Anger? Assignment 5

I don’t remember what the prompt was for this writing assignment, but after reading it I assume it was something about controlling my anger or what makes me angry.

I get angry when people tell me how I feel or they say that they know how I’m feeling. No one knows how I’m feeling except for me.

When my brothers and sisters fight it makes me irritated and I will usually start yelling at them. When my parents fight, I always think it’s about me so I usually go punish myself (self harm). I get angry when I get made fun of, or yelled at; when I do something wrong.

A lot of things build up and eventually, one little thing will get me to blow up. When I blow up you don’t want to be around me when that happens. I’ve never hit my mom or dad, but I have gotten in fights with my sisters.  

It feels like I have no control of my actions, feelings, or thoughts when I’m mad. Like my hands get really sweaty, I get jittery, start yelling, and if I’m angry enough I will start crying. When I start crying I get really vicious thoughts about the person who is making me mad, but also negative thoughts about myself.

When I’m mad I will make sure you know it. I don’t care who’s around or where I’m at.

I need to learn healthy ways to express my anger, alternatives to use to calm down when I’m angry. Learn how to control my thoughts when I’m, angry and I don’t really know what else.

I’m not going to say my anger is better now, because I still get extremely angry at situations and people. I’m not going to say that I have found productive ways to cope with my anger, because I haven’t.

I still cry

I still scream

I still jitter

My hands still sweat

I punch walls

I self-harm

They say that anger is a “secondary” emotion. I guess if I look into my life, some of my moments of anger would be when someone is fighting with me…  I start to cry and yell because I get hurt and feel uncomfortable. I feel like no matter what the other person/people are saying to me, I always try to negate them, because I always think that I am right. If someone doesn’t agree with me, usually family, I’m able to control myself with my friends and schoolmates, but with my family, if someone disagrees with me I will fight them. Not physically, but verbally.

I am working on it though. It’s easier to stay cool, calmed, and collected when I’m not living with my family. Which sounds horrible. But it's easier being away.