Entry 10: Succeeding in the face of Adversity Essay

 Succeeding in the face of adversity: a phrase, which means something different for everyone. For me, this means overcoming the obstacles of abuse and illnesses. I talk about this a lot, but it truly is a huge part of my life! I have Bipolar 1 disorder, depression, anxiety, and have struggled with self-harm and eating disorders. The road to recovery has been one of the biggest successes in my life.

A 16-year-old girl, 110 pounds, kidney failure, heart problems, restriction of food, purging of non-restricted food; no feelings, numbness, loss of interest, loss of identity, loss of love, loss of life. She died: the lovely, beautiful, full of life, fun, energetic, straight A student was now dead and this other girl replaced her. This other girl that looked like herself, spoke like herself, felt like herself, even acted and behaved like herself. But it wasn’t her. It was someone who was had perfected the art of being this girl, but inside, it wasn’t her. A confused, sick, sad, depressed, fat, stupid, angry, irritable, unapproachable, not able to function, unfriendly, and even dropping grades.

Then this weird “evil-twin” started to hurt her body even more than what she had already done. She started to cut herself; she had started to hate herself so much and became so numb that she had to take out her emotional pain on her body. She was so hurt and felt so unloved; she was bullied everyday of her life to the point where she had to get it out. Therapy didn’t work; so she started to self medicate by slicing open her skin.

Then the weirdest thing happened, she had become herself again; the same amazing girl she was before all of the hurt, had returned. But she was still sick, after returning she did not know what was happening. It was like she awakened to a life that wasn’t hers; yet, she still had to make the decision: was she going to continue living this life that wasn’t hers, or was she going to throw it away and do everything she could to try and become herself again.

She was hospitalized three times and then, was placed in an inpatient residential treatment facility for thirty-five days. She graduated high school with honors a 3.81 GPA, service cord. She had made it. Then she went to college, made the Dean’s List, and became a member of National Society of Collegiate Scholars as well as Phi Eta Sigma. She was so close to being herself again; then she started her sophomore year as a desk assistant in Noehren Hall. She was important! She felt important!

Yet, her parents were getting divorced; she was never home, her siblings weren’t kind when she was came home and she started to feel unworthy again. So after a huge argument and a huge panic attack, the “evil-twin” came back and took over seventy pills. She was hospitalized over Christmas Break 2015, and spent her Christmas in the adult mental health unit, after having to stay in the critical intensive care unit for three days.

During her time at the hospital, she met people who brought her original self back. These girls were kind, they truly brought her back; she is now fighting to keep her original self. She is a fighter.

She has overcome all of these different obstacles. She has overcome herself. She has succeeded in the fight against herself.

It just so happens, that girl is me.