Entry 22: Three Pieces of My Heart

My heart is divided in three, and it is the best feeling ever.

The first part belongs to the Vivian, the little girl I’ve been looking after since she was still crawling, and taking bottles. The second and third parts belong to the sweetest little boys, Liam and Henry. I have been looking after them since they were super young.

Vivian has taught me how to forgive, how to love above all else, how to be kind to everyone; how to sing, how to laugh, how to keep smiling. She continues to teach me that sometimes everyone just needs kid time; how to run around and sing like it’s the most fun activity ever.  How to giggle, and love food, love Netflix, love sleeping, love being around someone else. She has taught me that sometimes we all just need a little cuddle time with our best friends. Viv has taught me how to smile again, and she brings so much joy into my life. This little girl has the sweetest heart; she is so compassionate and strong, as well as beautiful and honest. She has the warmest heart. She asks her mommy about me all the time, and tells her mom about everything we do when she’s gone. Viv gives me so much hope, so much strength; she teaches me to be independent by doing her own thing and not caring about anything else. She will strut around the house in her diappy, (pronounced die-py), twirling and telling me that she is not putting her PJ’s on. Her stubbornness makes me think of myself. She is confident and talented and so adventurous. She is a shining star in my world of darkness. She makes me so proud. Viv is one third of my heart.

My other two thirds belong to two of the silliest little boys I know. When I show up they are always a little reluctant to let mommy leave, but after giving kisses and hugs they cheer right up and start up their little chatterboxes. They are brothers and they have a lot of the same personality traits, but at the same time, they are so different.

Big brother, Liam, is a gentle, calm, considerate and caring. He is the caregiver, he will always but you above himself. We sit down and watch Jake and the Never land Pirates, or Mickey’s Play clubhouse, and he always shows me which one he wants to watch, and which one his brother wants to watch, and then Liam chooses his brothers episode.

He is so talented, so intelligent, and such a bright young boy. He is so thoughtful, loving and just an all around a wonderful little boy. He has taught me how to love; no matter how broken my heart becomes. He reminds me that even in the broken pieces I can use them as mini-hearts to love other people; that even in the brokenness I am still able to love others. He has taught me that we can’t just look out for ourselves in this life, we have to look out for and care for the people we love, emotionally and physically. He is the first one to offer a hug, a hand, a toy!! Liam is one third of my heart.

Little brother, Henry, makes me such a happy, and incredibly proud person. When I met him, he was still crawling. Then as time went by, he started to stand and as soon as he started walking we would run around the house laughing, and when he fell, he would always pick himself right back up and continue running. Henry always has the widest, brightest, and most adorable smile on his face. He is a cuddler, he loves being able to cuddle up with me and watch television, sometimes holding my hand. He always runs up and sits on my lap when it’s time for bedtime stories. He is always the last one to get out of the bath because he has so much fun in there! He finds joy in every part of his day. I remember one weekend when I come back from college to watch the boys and Henry was mumbling a little bit, grunting his words, pointing and communicating with me. It was amazing! Mom told me that he was a little behind in the speaking aspect but they were teaching him ASL (American Sign Language) and he was doing so well with it! Every time I would come over, he would be using his hands and progressing so much.  

Honestly, the best day of my life was when Henry said his first words around me. It makes me cry to this day because of how proud I was, no I am, of him. Just thinking of that day, when he first spoke warms my heart. He was standing at the window when mom was leaving and he started waving and saying, “Bye mommy! Love you! Bye mommy!” Literally I fell to the floor and started crying and hugging him. Liam came up and was like, “Jules are you okay?” and I had to explain to him how these were happy tears, and how Henry made me so happy I was crying happy tears.

From that day, I told myself that if Henry can conquer this task that seemed impossible then so can I. He taught me that no matter how far you are behind, you always have the ability to sprint and come out on top. His strength and determination inspires me. He never backs down from a challenge. He taught me how to fight, how to love life, no matter the cards it deals you. He has taught me that sometimes you just have to be brave. He has a heart made of pure gold. Henry is one third of my heart.

Now, I obviously have other people that I love and care about and if I were to explain everyone else in my heart it would take me forever.

Jesus loves us so much that it is indescribable. He loves us when we can’t love ourselves; He is the first one by our sides whenever something goes wrong. He holds us when we are panicked, gives us signs when we need them, and cares for us when we feel no one else does.

My brother Vinnie is the next one I would talk about. But I’ll save him until tomorrow.

My three sweet angels: Viv, Liam, and Henry, have brought so much joy into my life; joy that I did not think was even possible. They are my heart, they are three reasons why I’m still alive.

Vivian, thank you for your spunk and independence.

Liam, thank you for your compassion and love.

Henry, thank you for your strength and bravery.

I love you always and forever.