I don’t leave early enough to make it ten minutes early to
class
I don’t write things down so I forget
I’m always scatter-brained
I can’t communicate my thoughts verbally without stuttering
I forget about appointments because I don’t write them down;
and remember 5 minutes after and then have to sprint to the doctors so I don’t
get a no-show fee, and I apologize the whole time I’m there and they say, “It’s
totally fine, don’t worry about it!” But I can’t stop worrying about it;
because I feel so stupid. (I’m
intelligent, I’m smart, I’m intelligent)
Some days it will be as little as forgetting my chap stick
in my room, or not grabbing my student ID when I leave the building so I have
to call someone and disrupt their day. I get the wrong order, or the wrong
food. I’m shaky and that frustrates me so much.
At the end of the day, when I’m reflecting I just think,
“Like that stuff isn’t even important. It doesn’t even matter. There are so
many other huge things that could be going on and their not. So breathe.”
Then I feel a little bit better.
In my World Religions class, (which is probs my fave right
now because it’s like an anthropology course) we are learning and researching
about Hinduism. I have found some immense and incredible inner peace from the
traditions and creation stories; as well as their multiple gods, which are
equivalent to Catholic Saints.
It’s such a peaceful religion. Okay I still love Jesus and
that will never change; He is my Lord and Savior and He has saved me soooo many
times. He loves me when I don’t love myself; forgives me when I don’t deserve
it, and picks me up when I fall. What’s different though, is learning about the
stories of the Hindu gods and goddesses. It’s a very philosophical religion.
Everything is connected; it’s is a representation of the chain of life. Whatever an individual does, affects the cosmic
forces. Okay let me explain; I’ll throw in some key words too. (I’m doing this
from memory, not using any resources)
The chain is:
Brahman, or cosmic forces
Atman, universal soul; equivalent to Brahman
gods/goddesses, equivalent to Catholic Saints
Communities
Families
Individuals
Okay so for the example I am an individual… and I refuse to
do something my parents tell me to do. Or I start dating someone they don’t
approve, or let’s say I started hurting myself again. When my family would find
out about ANY of those things, it would bring dishonor to them. Now since my
family is dishonored, the dishonor has made it’s way into the community
(because my family is a part of the community). When dishonor is brought to our
community, the gods and goddesses would have dishonor brought upon them because
all of our communities are under their authority, or under their watch. When
dishonor is brought to the gods and goddesses, their universal soul, or the Atman gets distorted and when there is distortion in the Atman that means there
is distortion in the Brahman, or the cosmos.
So literally, if you do anything against your parents wishes
you could be effecting the cosmic forces of our universe. You would be altering the forces of
the cosmos.
I just find that so intriguing!
Samsara, the process of reincarnation
Jiva, individual soul
Moksha, liberation from Samsara
If I do not achieve Moksha in my lifetime then I will go
through Samsara and have another lifetime to achieve it. There are many ways
one can achieve Moksha, one is through yoga; which can be postures,
meditations, communion and union of your Jiva with the Supreme. It’s a process
that promotes relationships with the gods. It can also be achieved through Bhakti (devotion, prayer),
through increasing your karma, through Puja (worship), Raja-Yoga (path of
self-control and meditations to the gods). There are many more ways.
Okay so Samsara is NOT something one wants to go through. In
your first lifetime, it is the goal to achieve Moksha so you will not have to
go through Samsara. Because the more times one is exposed to Samsara the worse
their reincarnations become, (human to cow to dog to lizard to caterpillar to
gnat, or something like that).
When one achieves Moksha, they lose their Jiva, or their
individual soul. Once their Jiva has lost its individuality it becomes a part
of the Atman or the universal soul, which everyone who has achieved Moksha
becomes a part of. But again, I stress that there is NO individuality. So,
since Atman is equal to Brahman we become fused with the cosmic forces. This is
the goal of Hinduism. To become one with Brahman.
I just think it’s such a beautiful religion. I could go on
and on about the different gods and goddesses that I have come across; but I’ll
spare you. This has just been something that is a positive in my life. When
something doesn’t make sense or I want to do something bad I think of affecting
all of those people, all of the forces and ultimately the cosmic forces; and I
can’t do it! I don’t want to be the cause of a ripple effect in the forces of
the cosmos.
It is something I can refer to, and I love yoga; and it
brings a spiritual awakening and spiritual aspect to yoga. This religion is
something that has helped to calm me, to bring inner peace through meditation
and I’m honestly in love with it.
I think I am going to start incorporating some of those
beliefs and practices into my life, because of how incredible it makes me feel.
Finding something that brings serenity, calmness, and
patience into your life is almost key to survival. We are born with an innate
belief in religion. A lot of tribal communities don’t know what the word
religion is. They just believe it to be a way of life. Atheists make that
choice to not believe in any form of God, but most of them are aware that there
is a higher being.
Through this innate desire, it brings us a sense of
belonging, a part of a congregation, a member that makes up a whole. It brings
awareness as well as self-importance into our lives. Religion, that is just a man made word to express the belief in higher power; religion can be any sort of feeling that brings us together with someone. It’s
very complex.
But finding this inner peace helps so much throughout our
lifetime. It is something that can be used as comfort, a coping skill,
tradition, pride, and inspiration. Heck, it can be the purpose of someone’s
life.
ANYWAYS, moral of the story: through all of these little
frustrations, I am able to draw on this inner peace and use it to eradicate the
frustrations and turn them around and incorporate them in my meditation and
ultimately use them as something I can use to fuel my peace.
It also helps with my mental illnesses, by giving me a
purpose; something that I can believe in that will ultimately help me grow. I
know I will always be sick from these illnesses, because they are chronic
diseases. But whatever I can use to cope with situations and issues that these
diseases help create, I will utilize it. This is another coping skill added to
my list.
Another reason to live: a beautiful self-realization of how important
one individual is in the cosmos.
THAT is so important.
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