scars

There’s a song by Johnny Diaz called, “Scars,” and it has a really good meaning behind it. The chorus goes something like this,

“Praise God we don’t have to hide scars, they just strengthen our wounds and they soften our hearts. They remind us of where we have been, but who we are. Praise God, Praise God we don’t have to hide scars.”

So why do I feel like I have to hide my scars from everyone?

When you look at my arms you see scars, upon scars, upon scars. On the inside of my left arm, there is the word “perfect.”

The biggest one is on my left arm, its story is too hard to explain.

I don’t praise God for not having to hide my scars, because I do hide mine. I have to hide mine.

Reasons to Live: Cause it's just that kind of Day

Reasons to live:

Here’s what I came up with:

• Vinnie
• Sammy
• Louie
• Franny
• Dad
• Mom
• Friends
• Vinnie baseball
• Louie’s football and golf
• Vinnie soccer and football
• Sammy’s graduation from high school
• Louie’s graduation from 8^th grade
• Vinnie graduation from 8^th grade
• Louie’s Kairos
• Louie’s graduation from high school
• Vinnie’s Kairos
• Vinnie’s graduation from high school
• Graduating from college
• Acceptance into grad school
• Joining the peace corps
• Skydiving
• Scuba diving
• Falling in love
• Getting married
• Being pregnant
• Child birth
• Adoption process
• Traveling to a different country to meet my child
• Meeting my child for the first time
• Witnessing a miracle
• Traveling around the US
• All states
• Traveling around the world to add more countries to the list of places I’ve been
• Africa
• Uganda
• Ethiopia
• Kenya
• South Africa
• Madagascar
• Asia
• China
• Japan
• Europe
• Austria
• Greece
• Italy
• Luxembourg
• Netherlands
• Spain
• Switzerland
• South Pacific
• New Zealand
• Fiji
• Central America
• Guatemala
• Costa Rica
• Cuba
• South America
• Argentina
• Brazil
• Colombia
• Chile
• Peru
• Venezuela

Here’s what I found online:

• Sunrises
• Climbing trees
• The way the earth looks/smells after it rains
• When a cat sits on your lap instead of the laps of the 8 other people in the room
• The feeling you get when you beat an anxiety attack
• Creating art
• Finishing a piece of art
• When someone says, “That reminded me of you.”
• Meeting a person who feels the same way you do about the world, knowing you’re not as alone as you thought you were
• Eye contact with a beautiful stranger
• The rush you feel driving through an intense thunderstorm
• Laughing so hard you pee your pants
• Letters in the mail
• Family events you don’t want to go to that make you feel surprisingly thankful
• Getting so full you have to unbutton your pants
• Acing a test
• Forgiving others and yourself
• When someone says, “I’m proud of you.”
• Telling someone how much you love them
• You have forever to be dead
• Sleep
• Kittens
• How awesome it feels when a class gets cancelled
• Hearing the song that has been stuck in your head all day
• To fade your scars
• To help someone
• Falling asleep to rain
• Baby laughter
• Books you can’t put down
• Coffee
• Hot cocoa
• Finally proving someone wrong
• Strangers smiling at you
• The ability to share your story
• Making a difference
• Going on dates
• Old people discounts
• You know what life is, but death is unknown
• You wouldn’t be able to pick the clothes you would be buried in
• Funerals are expensive
• There may not be chocolate in the afterlife
• No one deserves to become a statistic
• Life can change, but death is pretty absolute
• Seeing Finding Dory when it comes out
• Seeing your best friend get married
• Ice cream
• The feeling you get when you don’t have to set an alarm for the next day
• When teachers use your work as a good example and you’re just like, “Fuck yeah.”
• Amusement parks
• The butterfly project
• When a baby holds on to one of your fingers with their entire hand
• Learning the lyrics to an Eminem song and being able to rap it like a boss
• The cold side of the pillow
• Random unexpected texts
• When you meow at a cat and it meows back
• When you start smiling and can’t stop it
• Getting random amounts of money
• Sunsets